Personal question for you—how's your sex life, really? We're asking because your libido actually has a lot to do with your overall health and wellbeing. That may all be fine and well, but being prioritizing time in the bedroom throughout parenthood and, in particular, during the postpartum chapter, isn't always a pleasure (looking at you vaginal dryness, incontinence, hormonal changes, not to mention the added stress of being new parents). Is sex actually an important component to navigating the inevitable stressors of parenthood?
We decided to take a closer look and called on the experts to help. We sat down for a Perelel Health Check with Dr. Lyndsey Harper, founder of Rosy, and naturopath Dr. Caitlin O’Connor, ND. Read on for their guidance below.
Your sexual health is connected to your overall health.
First, let's break down the science behind your sexual health. "The decrease of stress, the decrease of anxiety and the improvement of mood and feelings of contentment the decrease of all these stress hormones and increase of the feel-good neurotransmitters," says Dr. Lyndsey Harper, founder of Rosy. "It's akin to any other intervention that we might do for our mood, such as exercise."
"We know that there is some cardiovascular benefit for our heart health, there's some bonding benefit for our partnerships, and for our own self-discovery."
And for moms, having sex can help with navigating the daily stressors of parenthood.
How? Well, your hormones and nervous system are to thank for that. "We have oxytocin, which is similar to what's produced when you're bonding with your children," explains Dr. Caitlin O'Connor. "We get oxytocin release with our sexual health, which helps us bond with our partner but I think of oxytocin as the hormone that helps us tolerate the stresses of parenthood when you have an infant, but also a hormone the helps us tolerate the stresses of daily life."
"Sex is a great way to tap into that natural capacity that we have for healthier, happier brain function."
- Dr. Caitlin O'Connor, ND
What's more—not only are you releasing the love hormone, but you're also tapping into your parasympathetic nervous system just as you would with a daily meditation or mindfulness exercise.
"So much of our day is stuck in that stress response," continues Dr. Caitlin O'Connor, "that anything you do to get parasympathetic is really important."
"The scientific side of your sexual health is actually pretty complex, but if you think of it as a bonding or relaxation practice, it's simple. I think of it as a daily reset if you're feeling tired, annoyed, if you need more inspiration—it's a helpful way to balance your neurochemistry and give you a nice burst of these hormones that you're already making yourself. So often in medicine we're looking for what we can take outside of our bodies but we also have the capacity to make tons of our own chemicals that can change our perception or change our health. Sex is a great way to tap into that natural capacity that we have for healthier, happier brain function."
Still, it's okay and completely normal feel overall a little "meh" about postpartum sex.
Without a doubt, pregnancy and childbirth can leave sexual activity sounding more daunting than delightful. After having a baby, it's completely normal to be apprehensive about returning to your 'before' sex life. Breastfeeding and birth (whether or not it was a vaginal delivery or a c-section) can cause some women to feel "touched out." Your sex drive might be low, or you might still be recovering from the delivery itself. Maybe you're struggling with postpartum depression. Between hormone and body changes, there's an adjustment period until you're ready to enjoy your sex life again. (It's why we worked to formulate our Libido Support, which helps support libido and sexual help, with breastfeeding-safe ingredients.)
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After childbirth, soreness and pelvic pain are normal but should improve over time. If you experienced a perineal tears, also known as vaginal tears, recovery can be uncomfortable or painful, depending on the tear's depth and length. The skin usually heals within a few weeks, but pain and discomfort may persist, especially when walking or sitting. It's recommended to wait until you're cleared for intercourse by your doctor at your six-week check up. If you're still experiencing pain for over six weeks postpartum, be sure to talk to your healthcare provider.
When you're ready to return to sex, it's natural for things to feel a little different. The experience tends to vary depending on your delivery, the size of your baby, and your pelvic floor postpartum. A pelvic floor specialist is a great resource for rehabilitating your pelvic floor muscles (or, you can even try some kegel exercises). The body is great at naturally healing itself over time. Still, if you do experience pain during intercourse be sure to stop and check in with your healthcare provider.
Still not feeling ready for sex?
Here's a fact: Penetrative sex is not the only way to enjoy intimacy with your partner and tap into its various wellness benefits. It's fine to start slow, whether simply cuddling (or engaging in some mutual masturbation). Try to be open with your partner and don't be afraid to take whatever time you need.
Talking libido with experts
Watch our expert panel on what you need to know about your libido (and ways to enhance yours) below.
Shop OB/GYN-formulated vitamins for the fourth trimester and early motherhood now. Read next—five reasons to have more sex.